The insult-to-injury part of this story is that while it was baking, I was writing my MoFo post. Did your heart just break a little? It was so positive and triumphant and celebratory and all things that are good. Wait, let me give you the first line:

Breakfast, it’s not just for diabetics anymore.

Oh, sadface.

What was I trying to do? Recreate the cappuccino muffins from In the Black, a closed-down coffee shop right by the office I worked at seven years ago when I lived in New York. Oh, and they weren’t vegan (but neither was I). Basically, it’s up to me if I ever want that muffin again.

I used the Vegan With a Vengeance Mocha Chip Muffin recipe, which I’ve made before and love as an almost-cupcake. I simply swapped the amounts for cocoa and coffee powder (I used the Medaglia D’Oro instant espresso powder, a staple in my kitchen) and added some cinnamon.

Here’s where I went wrong: Cocoa powder has bulk, acting like flour. The espresso powder simply melts. The flavor was aces, but as you can see, they’re a little flat. Totally edible, moist and delicious, to be sure, but I think I should have added almost a quarter cup of extra flour.

So maybe “failure” is a strong word.

Our first stop was Veggie Bite, vegan fast food. They’ve got the location on the North Side and another on the South Side, currently closed for renovation. Burgers, meatball sandwiches, chili cheese dogs, Buffalo wings, salads, and shakes—and not outrageously priced, either. While we were in there, a kid came in with his dad; he was maybe 9 years old, sweatband on his head, basketball shoes—you know, a regular kid. He came in for chili cheese fries and a shake—you know, like a regular kid. I heard his dad ask him if it was good and he got a big, neck-breaking nod in response. Awesome. Little jock kids don’t need animal crap in their junk food.

Tom got the gyros. That’s pronounced yeeros, kids, not jairos or geeros. They had run out of pita (someone was out getting some more) so Tom got it on a sub roll. It was pretty good, with thinly sliced seitan, a ton of vegetables, and cucumber sauce.

I got the BBQ nuggets and some fries. The nuggets are what they look like, big chunks of seitan, fried crispy, served with BBQ sauce. It may not look like much, but this was a lot of food. How do you get your protein? This is how you get your protein. They were tasty too, and the fries were the super-crispy battery kind.

Oh, and we had IBC root beer. Totally forgot about this stuff. I didn’t realize it was local, but now that I think about it, I’ve never had it in the other cities I’ve lived in. So good and creamy, this is root beer. The flavor reminds me of the homemade root beer I made at Brownie Camp when I was 8 years old…why haven’t I ever done that again? Was it that hard? Well, anyway, thanks, Veggie Bite, for taking me back.

The bulk of our remaining dining out was done at the historic “meat free since ’83″ Chicago Diner, on North Halsted. Not strictly vegan, they use egg and dairy in a few cases, but they have vegan options for everything. (They also have a gluten-free menu.) Both times we ate there we managed to get a table in the back patio. Impressive given how busy they pretty much always are. Tom got the enchiladas: corn tortillas filled with seitan chorizo, onions, and peppers. Topped with pepper sauce, avocado, sour “cream,” other vegness, and cheeze if you like; served with Spanish rice and black beans. You know how you’re talking about how much you love the food, then the waitress comes up and you’re all embarrassed because you’re gushing? I have a feeling that happens a lot here.

I got the Oaxaca ravioli. Holy crap, I need to buy a ravioli press and make this for myself at least once a fortnight from here on out. Surprisingly simple, this is red pepper, black beans, and cilantro in two-sided (orange and green) ravioli, served with fire-roasted chipotle salsa, over spinach. Yeah, they are not kidding around here.

Luckily, we got to go back for brunch to meet up with an old friend of ours. I kept it simple with “buttermilk” pancakes. They’re already vegan, not veganized. That little silver dish has in it the dark matter of blueberry sauce—I think it was just mashed-up blueberries with extra blueberry—I did not want for butter on these babies. And the fruit wasn’t just for show; it was super fresh and super sweet. I also got a side of tempeh strips, a pretty hefty portion for $1.50. And can you see the redish glass at the top of the photo? Blueberry basil lime-ade. A perfect balance of sweet and sour.

And more gyros for Tom. Sliced seitan, onion, tomato, lettuce, and a vegan tzatziki sauce (still in the dish, ready for the slathering). As happy as he was with the Veggie Bite gyros, he said this one was the winner. Our brunch buddy tried it and admitted freely that it buried his eggwhite omelet. Duh.

No better way to wrap this up than with coffee. We stopped by Intelligentsia on Broadway, not because we’d planned to, but because the aroma pulled us through the friggin’ door. Tom’s 4-shot macchiato was the same size as my 2-shot cappuccino, you know, in those little teeny cups. Thick as hell but not bitter in the least. And all the employees (all boys) are super styly yet only slightly pretentious (if you were looking for zero pretension, you’re in the wrong neighborhood, my friend). We also picked up a Black Cat espresso chocolate bar, with dark chocolate, crunchy cacao nibs, and Black Cat espresso. It’s made for them by Vosges, one of my favorite chocolatiers, which is pretty much national now. Double thumbs-up to that.

So that does it for our Chicago eats. I’ll leave you with a couple of random shots.

Me & Tom at the Airport. Yes, that’s a Tank Girl novel. Tank Girl just got a whole lot more sophisticated.

This is a school just off Broadway & Belmont. These are the saddest children I have ever seen in my life. Can you imagine starting your day walking through these doors? Poor kids.

And last but not least, the rat warning signs. These haven’t changed since I lived there. They’re in most alleys, and they tell you at the bottom how to not feed the rats, because ”If rats can’t feed, rats can’t breed.” If you’ve never seen a Chicago rat before, well, New York may have more, but they’re tiny. Put like a dozen together and you’ve got a fair fight against a Chicago rat.

Can you tell what these two powders are? If they were in identical bottles and it was very early and you were distracted because it was an emergency travel day, you could easily mix up cinnamon and cayenne. Tom sure did.

Fortunately, he realized his error just after pouring the cayenne on top of the coffee grounds (we ran out of cassia chips), so I was able to spoon most of it out. Most of it.

But guess what. The little bit that was left gave the coffee a little bit of a kick on the back end, kind of like when you add it to chocolate (which our coffee also has in it). And I think it gave me a little metabolic boost too. I don’t know that we’ll do this on purpose very often, but maybe every once in a while.

And check it out—that’s right, mushrooms on my pizza. That’s just a taste of the shenanigans that go on when Tom’s out of town. And the Brussels sprouts are already rinsed, waiting to be roasted for dinner. Who’s missing who now?

If you see this can of coffee, think twice before picking it up, unless you sleep on a mattress filled with money.

Tom usually combines three types of coffee (different roasts) with cocoa nibs and cassia chips for a lovely, full-bodied brew. This weekend, his normal medium-roast wasn’t at Trader Joe’s. I pointed this one out, he put it in the basket, and we headed on over to check-out. The cashier paused when she picked up this can: “Have you had this before? It’s so good. It’s our most expensive coffee.” Considering most of the ones we buy are around $7 each, I thought maybe this was $10. Whatever, we deserve it. I just got a new job.

Out in the car, Tom looked at the receipt… It’s 19-fricken-99. That’s right. $20 for 13 ounces of coffee beans. Oops.

We had to taste this stuff uncut, so we made a pure Kona pot. You know what? It’s good. It’s complex. I just can’t say it’s three times as good as what we normally make.

You know what goes incredibly well with any coffee? Mighty-O Donuts Cocoloco Minis. They’re like Donette Gems but good. (Do you know what Donette Gems are—is Hostess national?) And these babies are stamped proudly with that fat little “V,” not as pretty as the Vegan Society flower but a welcome little packaging shortcut nonetheless.

I can make things happen just by threatening aloud to blog about them.

Case in point: This 1-quart (32-ounce) carton of Silk vanilla creamer. We’ve been buying at least three of the 16-ounce cartons a week since we first tried it. That might sound like a lot, but there are two coffee drinkers in this household and we make our own coffee every morning. (Well, Tom makes our coffee.) I’ve always questioned why larger cartons weren’t available, both for cost and packaging waste concerns.

Private whining is one thing, but yesterday I ratcheted it up a bit. I told Tom I was going to take my kvetch public. A few months ago, I mildly tore into Simple for having ugly vegan shoes while the Sugar, their super comfy and sweet-ass shoe, was only available in suede. Well, Simple caught wind and I got a comment from them. Why not do the same to Silk? They’ve got to have marketing assistants mining away online.

So then this morning—and remember: NOT a lying sack of crap here—at Whole Foods, what do I find? Exactly what I wanted. For $2.69, twice as much creamer as the $1.69 carton (which is $1.99 at Fred Meyer).

Don’t worry. I will do what I can to not abuse this newfound power.

Sorry for the recycled photo—I promise I won’t let it happen again. I finally remembered to pay attention to quantities while whipping up my blendy coffee drink…then I forgot to photograph it. So here it is; it’s at least a starting point for you. If you want it sweeter, add more sugar (or agave or what you will). If it’s too everything for you, add more milk or ice.

·2 c vanilla soymilk (I use Trader Joe’s)
·12 ice cubes (1 tray)
·2 t unsweetened cocoa powder
·3 t sugar
·2½ T espresso powder

Blend and blend and blend. I have a 12-year-old regular blender, not some fancy-pants VitaMix, and it works just fine. Remember to stir it if you’re using a tall glass like this; the top tends to be the frothier, frozen bit, and if you’re not careful you can get a face full of blendy coffee drink. (Don’t pretend it’s never happened to you.)

I found it! At Zupan’s Market, the fancy-pants grocery store, which doesn’t smell at all like mold or urine, I found the instant espresso powder I use in my blendy coffee drink. It was only $3.69—the jar looks tiny, but it goes a long way. I got it at the Uptown one, at fancy-pants W Burnside at 23rd, but I know there’s a Zupan’s on SE Belmont, over by Laughing Planet and Paradox.

And this has nothing to do with vegan anything; I’m just trying to help a brother out, as the kids say. If you were ever 16 and in love in the late 80s/early 90s, it may be of interest to you that The Jesus and Mary Chain are playing the Wonder Ballroom on July 17. At $32 before service charges (fewer charges at the box office), it could be considered pretty steep for a rock ‘n’ roll show at a place that looks like you could hold the Boy Scouts Pinewood Derby in it, but it’s cheaper than time travel (unless you go the Somewhere in Time route, then all you’d need your old clothes from storage and a tape recorder).

Yup, it was a hot one this weekend (as evidenced by this annoyed kitty), so I was reminded why one of my best friends in the world is my toaster oven. Such a tiny little device, but it heats up fast, cooks my food fast, and keeps my kitchen cool. I’ve cooked pretty much everything in my toaster oven—I even tried to make a pizza in there once. It didn’t go well, but I think I just tried to make the crust too thick.

Here’s a snack I’ve been eating all my life, only now with Tofutti instead of cream cheese. It’s just Ritz crackers, Tofutti, and olives. Two minutes to prepare…and no heat required!

We had a few salads over the weekend. This one’s got croutons I made (in the toaster oven) from some oldish homemade sun-dried tomato bread. 

Here’s a blendy coffee drink we improvised. We used espresso powder, cocoa, sugar, vanilla, a tray of ice cubes, and unsweetened soymilk. It would have been a whole lot easier starting with vanilla soymilk, but we didn’t have any and were already in siesta mode, which meant getting some was out of the question. I ordered this espresso powder from some cooking site, but I used to get it all the time in Brooklyn, at C-Town, the grocery store that always smelled like a cross between mold and urine—and this was the nicer one in Greenpoint, not the crappy one in South Williamsburg where they made me check my messenger bag and I had to fight off the little Dominican kids who tried to bag my groceries for tips. Anyway, I think it’s pretty funny that I can’t find this stuff in regular stores that don’t smell like pee but I can order it online from some schmancy gourmet store.

And yes, that’s a Pom iced-tea bottle/glass. I refuse to buy glasses because I live with one of the biggest klutzes in the world and mass-produced glasses are the most breakable things in the world. If I’m going to buy iced tea, these call to me for their handy containers (and they’re tasty). The lids snap on easily too, so they’re great for taking juice and stuff to work or storing chocolate chips. I was so bummed a year or so ago when I heard about the animal testing Pom was supporting (like you can’t convince people to drink juice?), but thanks to a whole lot of e-mails/petitions to Pom and Whole Foods, they promised to stop. I only mention Whole Foods because I think it was when they finally threatened to stop carrying Pom’s products that Pom gave in. Many boycott e-mail campaigns feel shallow because they’re to companies I don’t support anyway, but this was one I could write a personal e-mail and honestly say that I want to use your product but cannot.