Usually, when I eat tempeh, it’s fried up, sauced up, grilled up, or sliced wafer-thin and marinated to bejeezy.

Tonight I sat down with a simpler tempeh. Unspoiled, like the girl in that book who later got way into speed—before the speed, when she still made her own clothes and helped her little sister with her homework. Tonight’s tempeh was simply steamed in a bit of Bragg’s, liquid smoke, cayenne, and garlic powder for just a few minutes, then browned in a skillet with a touch of olive oil.

If you’re new to tempeh or just have never been crazy about it, this may not be for you. I, however, adore its naturally nutty flavor, so throwing it on a bun with onion, pickles, and lettuce does the job for me. (Tom added mustard to his, but that’s ’cause his senses are clogged with allergies and he can only taste half of what he eats.) With the steaming, the texture is light and tender—and there’s no question what you’re eating. It’s not a super-processed veggie burger.

I don’t know if you can get it where you live, but my co-op (People’s) has giant slabs of tempeh that I cut up into meal-size portions and freeze. It’s way cheaper than the 8-ounce blocks and it tastes fresher too!

Move over, Abe Froman, there’s a new sausage king of Chicago. A vegan one at that!

Nothing makes me happier than finding out the people behind a product I like are just as great as what they make. If I know my money is supporting amazing people with like values, I’m far more apt to purchase their products. Upton’s Naturals is one of those special companies run by amazing people. They’re honest, kind, and hard-working. And fun.

Oh, and the seitan is delicious. The photo up there is a sandwich I made with the bacon-style seitan. It’s not available in stores, but they brought some limited-edition stuff with them for a pop-up sandwich shop event held at Food Fight! during VVC. Told you they were fun. All the vegan mini-mall shops stayed open until midnight while a seemingly endless line of folks joined the gluten fest.

In stores (refrigerator section) you can find several flavors of chunky-style seitan. I’ve used the plain in pasta, the chorizo in tacos, and the Italian on pizza. I’ve also got some tamales (freezer section) on hand, but I need to wait until I have a Tom-less night to try them out because they contain almonds. I have not tried the ground beef, but I have never tried any sort of vegan ground beef because that just creeps me out. Why, I just can’t say, but it does. Gimme a break, man, I’m working pretty hard to not be creeped out by sausagey things. When you haven’t had red meat in 26 years, you lose the aesthetic. I do try to take a step back and concentrate on the spices, which Upton’s does an impressive job at. I also think the seitan, unlike a veggie burger or notdog, stands on its own as a real food, not a fake meat.

If you can’t find their stuff near you (store locator here), either order online or sit tight and it’ll come. Because they don’t just pass along their product to a distributor, instead visiting each new store they get into, it’s slow-going, but again, they’re hard-working and definitely expanding quickly. If you want to bug them about coming to your neck of the woods, I suppose you can on their Facebook page. And keep your eye out for this dapper gent or one of his equally flamboyantly mustachioed friends (one’s clean-shaven, but don’t hold it against him).

Tofutti with carrots, bell peppers, red onion, and scallions on a bagel.

OR

…peanut butter pretzels?

Peanut butter pretzels dipped in chocolate.

Just sayin’. These both take about five minutes of work and stuff you probably already have. Aren’t you worth it?

As a kid, I tried pierogi once. I was probably 11 and my mom’s family got together that one time everyone wasn’t fighting and worked all day making dozens upon dozens of them. That day I knew three things: my mom’s family was insane, sauerkraut was gross, and I did not care for pierogi.

I still don’t really talk to my mom’s family, and sauerkraut still grosses me out, but I’ve come around to pierogi in a big way—if it’s the kind filled with mashed potatoes, onions, garlic, or spinach. When I was living in Brooklyn, there were a few kinds in the refrigerator case at every grocery store. I wasn’t vegan then so I’m not sure if they were, but there was definitely no cheese involved. It was just dough filled with mashed potato and onion. Score. Big score.

After New York, I found myself in a pierogiless Los Angeles, and eventually I forgot about them. It’s OK—that’s where I discovered my love for the avocado and learned to like tofu. Now here in Portland, perhaps due to the little pocket of Russians, I’ve seen pierogi here and there. And now I’ve found my first vegan one. It’s frozen, but whatever. The old flame is back, and it might even inspire me to make some from scratch and freeze them myself.

Depending on who you talk to, there are a gazillion “right” ways to prepare them. I throw them in a little Earth Balance and lightly brown them with the lid on, so they’re steaming themselves a bit too. This time I added some thinly sliced onion and it was perfect.

Cross-sectional action shot! These have just a touch of spinach—can’t really taste it much, but a touch of spinach never hurt anyone (unless it’s been tainted with E. coli).

European gypsy mutt represent!

You know, some things are tougher to photograph than others. I’m not talking about focus and light and other techy stuff. I’m talking about being so close to food ready for the eating and waiting until you’ve got twenty shots in three locations and different angles.

This was a tough one.

And it’s the easiest thing in the world to make! I now keep a can of coconut milk in the back of my fridge at all times, for that night I need a little something sweet and fast. If it’s in there for weeks gettin’ colder and more solid, then I don’t have to worry about whether or not it’ll hold up, like when you throw a can in the fridge for a couple of hours. Especially in summer. You just drain out the liquid from the bottom of the can of full-fat coconut milk, not the light stuff (I’ve told you all this before), then whisk up the solid part. Today I used a couple tablespoons of cocoa and maybe a tablespoon of powdered sugar.

This cocoa-creamy dream absolutely begs to have banana pieces or strawberries dipped in it. Or to be spread on a cake. Or guilitly hacked away at by naught but your finger.

Like a fire extinguisher or an EpiPen, it’s better to have a cold can of coconut milk around and not need it than need one and not have it.

Remember the sun-dried tomato spread I had on my trip to Vancouver BC? Turns out it takes all of two minutes to make. Sure, you could put some effort into it and from-scratch it. Or…

You pick up a jar of this herby sun-dried tomatoes in olive oil from Trader Joe’s and add a couple of kalamata olives, a pinch of fancy salt, and a bit of crushed red pepper (if you’re feelin’ a little spicy), then whizz it up with a stick blender. Make sure you’re either not an idiot or not wearing your favorite Herbivore t-shirt so you don’t end up turning on the stick blender too soon and doing some oily damage to said t-shirt and sadness ensues.

Oily mess or not, when the tomato is all mushed up, dig in with chunks of yummy bread. You might make your special friend so happy that he brings you espresso while you’re typing later. (That’s what just happened to me! Thanks, Tom, you’re tops.)

Is it the best pizza I’ve ever had? Of course not. Is it a beautifully marketed key to my childhood memories? You betcha.

Tofurky/Turtle Island isn’t necessarily a crew of geniuses—they just figured out how to do it first. It’s so obvious! I mean, I thought of making my own pizzas then freezing them, and Daiya was the perfect catalyst for realizing these convenience food dreams. So two vegan convenience food wonderkids came together to create this beautiful specimen of mediocrity. It’s a crackery crust, a smidge of inoffensive sauce, and a mixture of the two Daiya flavors, complete with the little bits stuck to the bottom of the crust so you have to pick off the frozen shreds before sticking it in the oven. (While I was never a huge cheese fan, there was just something about frozen mozzarella shreds that hit the spot.)

I’ve had a couple of these now—currently Food Fight! is selling them for just over $6 a pop so it’s a reasonable snacky treat or light dinner. (And they just posted today that since April 24 they’ve sold 632 of them—that’s more than 30 a day.) It comes in three varieties: Cheese (the only one I’ve tried), Italian Sausage & Vegetable, and Pepperoni. The package says it serves three, but Tom and I split it in half without feeling stuffed…and my friend Kevin ate one whole pizza as a chaser to a sandwich, but that’s because he has the metabolism of a sea otter.

Food Fight! might still be the only kids around to carry these, but I’m sure they’ll find their way to you sooner or later. Do you need to pick one up? Only if you like stuff that’s cool. Seriously, you’re not going to take a bite and savor it, in an “Oh, that’s so delicious!” way. You’re going to giggle and wolf it down with a carbonated beverage, perhaps a cheap beer. It’s fun. It’s a novelty. It’s friggin’ frozen pizza.

I hate marinating. I’ve said it before, I know, but I hate it so much that I’ll never tire of bitching about it. Unless it’s a special—and I mean special—occasion, I don’t want to have to start prep work on my dinner hours ahead.

This makes tempeh somewhat challenging. Sure, you can do a cheater version of marinating if you add a bunch of liquid at the beginning of your cooking, allowing the tempeh to soak up some flavor, but unless you’re dealing with tiny pieces the flavor never really gets in deep. Two recipes that do work quite well with this are tacos and baked BBQ tempeh. They both take some time over a hot stove/oven, but they’re foolproof and delightful.

OR…you can take a shortcut and pick up some premarinated tempeh strips. I’ve had the Lightlife bacony strips, which never fail for a spontaneous TLT (or TOALT, with onion and avocado). And what you see up there is Turtle Island (the Tofurky people) marinated strips. Sesame garlic. Mmmmm. While the rice is cooking you chop up some peppers, pea pods, carrot, and anything else you can find in the fridge and throw it in the wok with your sizzlin’ tempeh. Ridiculously fast and probably the healthiest thing you’ll eat all week.

I realize I’ve never really talked about brown rice. The fact is when I’m ordering out and brown rice is an option, I will order it nine out of ten times. But when I’m home, I just don’t care enough—except on those special occasions I mentioned earlier—to cook it myself. I will, however, bend to totally wasteful convenience packaging from time to time, splurging on those boxes of frozen brown rice at Trader Joe’s. I curse myself every time, but honestly, it could be worse, and I’m eating more brown rice than I would otherwise. So I’m stuffin’ my sorrys in a sack and I’m gonna keep on doing it. Until I get my act together to cook up a crap-ton of brown rice and freeze it myself, it’s my little indulgence. I’m sure you have yours.

We used the omelet recipe from Isa’s new brunch book. The reviews have been good, even from people who’d had vegan omelet failures in the past, so our confidence was boosted. The recipe was quick and easy, just whizzin’ everything together in the food ninja. The fact that Tom helped me make them may have kept any psychosomatic allergic reaction at bay—no itchy mouth, like when I’ve used hempseed in the place of tree nuts (he’s like the boy in the plastic bubble, I tell ya).

Mine (up top) has kale, leek, and scallion in it. Tom (that’s his right there) went with cheddar Daiya cheese, two types of peppers, and scallion. I’m pretty sure it doesn’t taste like eggs, but it serves the same purpose, it’s light and fluffy yet moist. We decided to think of it as a savory tofu pancake. The consistency was a little off-putting at first, but I got through it. I had some leftover batter, so the next morning I fried it up, scrambly style, and ate it with some toast. It went a little easier. So I think this is something we can work into regular rotation. Aside from <insert vegetables you’ve got in the fridge> and standard cupboard staples, all it takes is a tub of silken tofu.

So that’s two food phobias I’ve muscled my way through this Rocktober. I know last time I was urged to go with the pot pie, but I checked out a recipe and it was too, too scary. I can’t even eat soup, let alone thick gravy with way-cooked vegetables and seitan in it! Baby steps, folks, and the month is young.

This is from last week, when we had our mini heatwave. I didn’t want to cook at all, but I’d not really planned ahead with no-cook meals, so this is a little-cook one. And whaddaya know? It’s super good.

I made the pesto first (takes all of two minutes), and in this nut-free household, pesto means basil, more garlic than most folk would use, olive oil, salt, and nutritional yeast. If I were in the mood, I would have thrown some hempseed or sunflower seeds in there so they could pretend they were pine nuts…but I’m really never in the mood.

Then, while the water was boiling for the pasta, I soaked the soy curls in hot water. And while the pasta is cooking, so are the soy curls, in a little olive oil and Butler soy curl chickeny-flavored seasoning. The timing’s perfect and all just gets tossed together with a pinch o’ crushed red pepper.

A super-rad dinner in 20 sweat-free minutes. Nice.

While I have you here, these are the Mexican Hot Chocolate cupcakes from Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World. I made them for Tom’s birthday. A little spicy, a little coconutty, a lot chocolate. The inside is super delicate, and the tops are sorta craggy and crispy, as advertised. Very interesting—definitely nothing to be afraid of. We ate them alongside a scoop of Naked Coconut Coconut Bliss. ‘Twas a happy birthday indeed.