belated wtf wednesday: asian candy

I was ill this week, so I’m a bit behind. Even though it’s Friday, I didn’t want to miss my last chance at WTF Wednesday! So here you are. (And yes, tonight or tomorrow I’ll be bringing you a belated DIY Donnerstag.)

Not all Asian candies are WTF—I love Botan rice candy, and I long for a vegan Pocky. But nestled between the squid crackers and crunchy ginger prawns you can find some crazy-ass fruity snacks. Seeing as they’re cheap, I picked up a little assortment to subject myself to.

These are two olive candies. At first I was like, “They can’t really be olives,” but after biting into them, yeah, they’re probably olives. They have the same texture (even soaked through with dried sugar) and pits. The yellow ones are almost vanilla-y and the red ones were cinnamon-y, both super saturated with flavor, so as you chewed your mouth soaked up more and more. After eating them I checked out the ingredient labels, to see exactly what the difference was, but um…they were the same labels. Only then did I notice it listed “main ingredients,” so who knows what the flavors really were.

Spicy sweet prunes are just that. Individually wrapped, so you can give them away for Halloween (How badly do you want to get TP’d?), they’re just little pieces of chili- and sugar-soaked dried plums. They’re really soft, and while not offensive, I didn’t see the point in the flavor. It was bland, not fun. I guess I probably just resented that they didn’t look anything like the photo on the bag, plus the brand is Ego.

And finally, the one I had to Google before I bought them: Jujube Hawthorn Hamburger. Of the many, many haw and hawthorn candies in the aisle, I chose these because they’re called hamburgers, of course. Hawthorn is a red fruit from the tree of the same name. I just needed to make sure it wasn’t a nut, so my boy-in-the-bubble companion wouldn’t die. The texture on these was interesting. I think I was expecting Neco wafers with Sour Patch layers, but it was all-over soft and grainy. The taste was pleasant enough, not overly sweet, but they smelled awful.

So I didn’t spit any of them out, but I don’t need to try any of them again. I’m done. Again, I’ll just hold out for my vegan Pocky.

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