wtf wednesday: chia kombucha

It’s Wednesday, and you know what that means. I’m going to try something that I assume will be disgusting!

Today’s entry is kombucha, tea that’s been fermented with a bacteria-yeast pancake, with raspberry juice and chia seeds, which plump up like frog eggs.

I know, right?!

I got the raspberry one, because you expect little seeds in raspberry whatever, so it might soften the blow. Still, when I opened the bottle, it did smell like a bottle of juice that fell out of the cupholder in your car and rolled under the seat, where it sat for a summer. Would you even dare your friend to drink that? I know, kombucha is made in a controlled environment, and I’ve had wine before—that’s fermented. Still, this smelled a little extra gross.

When I poured it into a cup, it glopped out (new situations call for new words) and I was faced with the reality that the next step involved putting that into my mouth. Tom!

I had Tom try it first. He made a face like a baby when it tastes lemon for the first time, a little confused and betrayed. He recovered and said the taste actually wasn’t that bad, but the texture was unexpected. (A little later gave it another go and said, “I don’t know. I don’t think I’m sick enough to need this as a medicine.”)

And then it was my turn. I tried to drink it like a normal beverage, nose open, just taking it all in without reservation. And yes, I found it disgusting and overwhelming. I tried again, this time turning off my nose and sipping in just around a teaspoon. This time I saw the novelty in the chia and could sort of munch the little seedyguys then throw it back down my throat.

Could I drink a full 8-ounce serving of this stuff? No way. I can see how kombucha itself could be an acquired taste, but I don’t much go in for acquired tastes. Its health benefits are super anecdotal, so I don’t see the need to force myself to like it. I would like to figure out a way to eat chia, maybe in a pudding. But I’m done with this—it just seems so contrived, putting a couple of trendy “superfoods” together to make the supergroup of superfoods, like Damn Yankees in a bottle.

For the record, it’s been about 20 minutes since drinking it and I just had a memory of the taste make me almost shiver.

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