nostalgia in disc form: the frozen pizza

Is it the best pizza I’ve ever had? Of course not. Is it a beautifully marketed key to my childhood memories? You betcha.

Tofurky/Turtle Island isn’t necessarily a crew of geniuses—they just figured out how to do it first. It’s so obvious! I mean, I thought of making my own pizzas then freezing them, and Daiya was the perfect catalyst for realizing these convenience food dreams. So two vegan convenience food wonderkids came together to create this beautiful specimen of mediocrity. It’s a crackery crust, a smidge of inoffensive sauce, and a mixture of the two Daiya flavors, complete with the little bits stuck to the bottom of the crust so you have to pick off the frozen shreds before sticking it in the oven. (While I was never a huge cheese fan, there was just something about frozen mozzarella shreds that hit the spot.)

I’ve had a couple of these now—currently Food Fight! is selling them for just over $6 a pop so it’s a reasonable snacky treat or light dinner. (And they just posted today that since April 24 they’ve sold 632 of them—that’s more than 30 a day.) It comes in three varieties: Cheese (the only one I’ve tried), Italian Sausage & Vegetable, and Pepperoni. The package says it serves three, but Tom and I split it in half without feeling stuffed…and my friend Kevin ate one whole pizza as a chaser to a sandwich, but that’s because he has the metabolism of a sea otter.

Food Fight! might still be the only kids around to carry these, but I’m sure they’ll find their way to you sooner or later. Do you need to pick one up? Only if you like stuff that’s cool. Seriously, you’re not going to take a bite and savor it, in an “Oh, that’s so delicious!” way. You’re going to giggle and wolf it down with a carbonated beverage, perhaps a cheap beer. It’s fun. It’s a novelty. It’s friggin’ frozen pizza.

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